In June 2009, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, or ACORN (every evil brotherhood deserves a menacing acronym), stood as an imposing, shadowy edifice in ‘communities’ across the nation. For years, and especially in the 2008 elections, the non-profit and federally funded ACORN (up to $2 billion!) mobilized up to 400,000 liberal activists in varied liberal lobbying projects and had been involved in myriad thinly veiled voter fraud disguised as ‘get-out-the-vote’ efforts. Now, don’t get all hot and bothered, I am not nutty enough to insinuate that Obama’s 2008 election was rigged. No doubt, Barry’s margin of victory was padded by the Dallas Cowboys’ roster, Mickey Mouse, illegal immigrants, college students and homeless people voting multiple times in multiple swing states, but Obama’s electoral victory, as unfathomable and mind numbing as it is, was the result of real Americans, going to real ballot boxes and somehow managing to poke and prod and, possibly even read and reason their way into voting for Barack Obama.
Like any extra-legal organization of racketeers, ACORN had an umbrella group, Citizens Consulting, Inc., controlling the organization from the shadows. The Obama campaign funneled over $800,000 to ACORN through CCI. ACORN co-conspirator ‘Project Vote’ which Obama also happened to work for as a ‘community organizer’ also somehow managed to receive a donor list from the Obama campaign, which was never explained, since Project Vote also happens to be a 501(c)(3), which cannot by law involve itself in political activity. ACORN even partnered with the U.S. Census Bureau in 2010, despite documented cases of multi-swing-state voter fraud.
Though, as Obama’s historic inauguration came and went, ACORN also went on its merry way, despite the howling of whistle-blowers in the media and folks across the electorate. Or so it seemed. As in any bad sci-fi movie, James O’Keefe, a 25 year old conservative from Rutgers along with Hannah Giles, the obligatory female love interest, infiltrated ACORN offices in Baltimore, D.C., New York, San Bernardino, and San Diego with little more than a small camera, bubble gum and a pimp costume. Once in the mother-ship, they then proceeded to upload a virus into the mainframe and–wait, that’s Independence Day… Any way, the two aspiring film-makers in July and August of 2009 exposed ACORN for the fraud-rife and corrupt organization that it was, and the explosions were deafening and widespread.
The media firestorm swept across the country and the grassroots anger that tax dollars were being spent in such nefarious ways prompted Congress, after only subtle prodding, to vote 345-75 in the House and 83-6 in the Senate to strip ACORN of it’s federal funding. Six months later, in March 2010, reports have surfaced that ACORN, amid plummeting revenues, a lack of tax payer subsidies, and a irrevocably scarred public image, was disbanding and closing their doors. Game over. The aliens are dead and their cruisers are heading back to their homeworld! Victory! The mother-ship has been destroyed! ACORN offices across the country are shutting down, their lights being cut, and their grip on the communities they controlled extinguished.
But wait. As with any sci-fi flick, the end is not the end. The L.A. Times reports today that some of ACORN’s largest affiliates, ACORN New York and ACORN California, had already broken away from the mother-ship and changed their names in an effort to escape the public image that the video scandal created. The evil entity known as ACORN is not finished. It has merely changed forms. As the wreckage of their organization crumbles to Earth, new organizations, less centralized and under new names will spring up in new locations, to register new voters such as Daffy Duck, Roger Rabbit and the starting lineup from A League of Their Own to vote for liberal candidates. This time, a well-timed home video placed in their weak spot won’t be enough to stop them.
David Teesdale, has clearly been watching too many tin foil hat type end of the world alien movies. If you feel the same about ACORN you may comment below or e-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you don’t, then, in the words of Will Smith, “welcome to earth.”